Anyway, the title of this post SHOULD have given you a rough idea of what I'm going to talk about. Yes, loving yourself. Honestly, I love myself a lot. I have stretch marks on my ass and honestly - I don't exactly like the sight of it but I embrace that it is a part of myself. After all, I have some other things to be happy about.
I don't take shit from nobody. If you tell me I'm ugly I won't give two hoots about your opinion - because who are you to say that to me? I don't care if your opinion of me is negative. Why should I bother? Your opinion for one does not cost money, does not affect my life, does not cause me bodily harm or any of that to the people closest to me. You can think that I'm loud, boisterous, petty, ugly, annoying - whatever. At the end of the day, your opinion remains irrelevant to the important things in my life.
I used to give a shit though. Over the slightest thing someone might have said like, "Oh your acne is really bad. Why do you have acne on your chest/ back?" It WAS really bad at that particular time, and it got to me. Or when people called me "slut" because I was friends with guys when they all weren't yet. (Girls school, 10 years.) Really? REALLY? Slut? Jesus.
Thinking back, I let those comments resonate deep in my head. It's not good because when the reminders are always there - sometimes it seems as if things never get better. I was always too skinny, underweight, not pretty enough, breakouts, pale, weak looking and such.
One day I just decided to stop giving a shit. It wasn't like I immediately woke up and went like "Oh from today onwards I'm not gonna give a fuck about anything else that people say about me again!" Things aren't as easy as that. If it were, then a lot more people would be less insecure. It started off as a gradual process - where if someone said something bad about me, I'd actually feel shitty for a while, then try to find things about myself to counter it.
Like when this particular friend called me a slut indirectly (I didn't have to hear the word to know it), I told myself that, 'Hey, knowing people isn't that bad. Boys = less drama!' (Which incidentally is true only for GUY FRIENDS that DO NOT LIKE YOU or are NOT together with you, but I digress.)
I mean for every single thing that's negative, I tried to find a sort of consolation for it. Like e.g. acne I'd think like 'It's just the hormones, when I'm older it'll slow down and I guess I just have to keep washing my face & try out different treatments. It won't be that bad!' True enough, I'm 17 now and the acne isn't even really acne anymore. I'm just prone to a few pimples here and there. My face has scars yes, but it's really miniscule.
Thing is, for every negative thing you find about yourself - or others find about you? Don't let it get to your head. And if it's there, resonating in the spaces of your brain and whispering to you every day... find something to occupy yourself. Games, books, movies, work, hobbies. Or you could find the good things about yourself. It doesn't have to directly counter what the person says about you - so long as it makes yourself feel better. Like for example someone called you fat. The person is... say, skinny. She is what you want to be. But then you should think, 'Hey, she's such a bitch. So what if she has a nice figure? I have a good heart and that's what matters. Karma'll get her anyway.'
Unless it is deserved criticism, (which most of the time, it isn't) you can make up weird reasons (e.g. she has smelly pits so I'm better than her) to make yourself feel better, 'cause everyone deserves to be happy with themselves. I mean, you don't have to yell it in her face, but you can be a bitch in your own head. If you're not going to protect yourself, who is? Your mom can't read your mind. Your best friend can only do so much. If someone tells you something and is genuinely trying to help you, let them. Don't refute everything they say - they'll get tired of it eventually.
If everyone were happier with themselves and not criticize others for their size/ color/ shape/ religion/ race... the world would be a happier place. But we don't always get what we want. Sometimes when we try to do something for someone else or others in general, it always seems to backfire. So you honestly deserve to be selfish because your feelings are YOURS, and if someone that doesn't matter to you manages to damage your feelings... something's wrong, isn't it? It's yours. Protect it as if you're it's mother.
But at the end of the day, who is our biggest enemy? Who is our Goliath? And the answer is: yourself.
I know some may be aware, but some aren't. When you're alone, who is the one telling themselves 'Oh, I'm so ugly' or 'She said that I'm fat...'? Yourself isn't it? When you let yourself dwell on things that aren't healthy for you, of course it'll damage you over time. Think positive thoughts, know that you are you for a reason. You can be fat, skinny, average, have no boobs, have extra huge boobs or have a flat ass or a huge ass - you know, it's you. Something that you should embrace. I mean, admiring or even being slightly envious isn't that bad. You wish you had it, but you don't.
There's a fine line between knowing that you don't have something and wanting it, and knowing you don't have something, wanting it, but still accepting that you are the way you are and being fine with it. (I mean, you could go for a boob job if you want to and if it makes you happy.) I am the latter, but I know many who are the former.
People need to understand that not everyone can be the IDEAL woman. Just because you're skinny it doesn't mean anything. It's just something physical. Not everyone can have a badonkadonk like Nicki Minaj's or have boobs like Katy Perry's. I mean I wish I had them too, but it's just a wish. I wouldn't really want to get implants or what because y'know, I've learnt a long time ago that the best way to live your life is to accept and be happy with who you are.
I won't judge anyone who does though because if that's what they need to accept themselves and be happy, then go ahead. No condemnation.
Like I said, everyone deserves to be happy. Even the people I hate. Maybe some deserve punishment but at the end of the day... be happy.
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I'm glad that I came to RP (sort of) because of these people. They were the ones who changed my perspective that RP was some school that sucked and that it was the ITE of the North or something. They are all extremely smart people that probably got screwed over by a subject (like me) and ended up here.
Anyways, I've also recently discovered a brand new addiction: Llao Llao. Pronounced Yao Yao. Fuck, the Sanum tastes like heaven. I mean some of my friends like Natasha say that it tastes the same as yogurt that you can buy from Cold Storage but I just like the frozen yogurt. The taste is sourish enough for me to like it. I happen to like sour yogurt.
And the fruits/ crunch/ sauces balance it out well enough so I get a great mix of sweet and sour in one cup. Tastes amazing. In this photo it's strawberry sauce, it tastes HEAVENLY god I'm addicted. This one was at 313 and I headed to SP a week later to grab it again. Jeez.
Guess who I bumped into there? YES, Bernice Ng! To quote her, "What are the chances of seeing your RP friend at SP when I came from NP?" ROFL accurate. I was like squinting and then I was like "BERNICE NG!" LOL. Told her to try the Llao Llao and she bought the wrong cup.
Noob shit. Here's her looking sad as I made fun of her. HAHHAHAHAHAH I am such a great friend!!!!! And it's a nice feeling when your primary & secondary school friends bond. Bernice was from OLQP and Pres was from STC but then they could chat as if they've known each other for a couple of months already. Must be an IJ thing.
Alright, enough of me blabbering on and on. Hope you've enjoyed the post! x
