Everyday where I don't write - it feels like a little part of me is slipping away. Gradually over the course of hours and then days, I feel like I'm fading away. But what brings me back is writing. I feel like writing opens up a whole new world to me, although I don't know a lot of bombastic words. But I still try to express what I have buried inside me, because I like to share this side.
I'm not a very good writer but I love observing others and then describing them. I think there is a beauty in the people that I love and I live to appreciate that beauty - and them, for being a part of my life. Once you hit secondary 3-4, your social circle solidifies because that's the group of friends you'll stay in contact with FOREVER. I do have a few primary school friends that I still talk to regularly (sort of) like Andrea and Bernice, so they're part of my social circle too :-)
Every single day I thank God that I have come to know these people in my life and I will be eternally grateful for their friendship because I KNOW I am a hard person to love, and yet here they are even after who knows how long. I thank them for their tolerance and that's why I strive to put a smile on their faces - it's my way of repayment. I love knowing that I am a source of their amusement perhaps after a long, hard day, or maybe something that I did for them put a smile on their faces.
It feels very magical to me that the concept of friends exists. Some people are easy to love, yes - like my boyfriend - but I'm not. And it surprises me that they are willing to bond with me, rather than people like James that are open. My friends are the kind that usually sit back and watch me too (yes most are like mother hens that secretly watch over me. Bernice, I know you do.), which is pretty cute. They're amazing people.
I'm sorry if I keep going back to the same point, because it's REALLY SO HARD TO BELIEVE. Someone that will love you without hesitation, someone that would (probably & hopefully) take a bullet for you, someone that would save your ass by risking theirs? Not easy to find nowadays. But I'm extremely blessed to be blessed with such great friends, because they'll always be there. You know? This bunch of homies that, at the end of the day... no matter what sort of storms you go through, when you make it through, they'll be there with a glass of vodka (in maybe 10 years' time) yelling 'Cheers bitch!' to you. And if you seem to be falling off the precipice - they'll always be there to catch you in time.
I know I'd do the same for all of my friends. Andrea, Bernice, Gen, Natasha, Prescillia, Jiayi... and if I miss out your names, don't worry. If I extend my friendship to you, you'd know who you are. I don't really have to name all of those names. The amount of gratitude that I have for these people has no boundaries because at some point in time - they saved me from myself.
I was like a ticking time-bomb that would implode eventually - but they defused me. Sometimes way before the bomb exploded - or sometimes right before detonation. But either way, they are all my lifesavers and I will be ever grateful that they will be here to share my demons with me; carry my burdens with me and to go through hardships with me.
Recently my posts have been about cheering my friends up - and to them I might seem like their lighthouse in the midst of the stormy sea... but in all honesty, they are my lifelines. They saved me first, and now, I'm simply repaying the favour. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over.
